Some time ago, I began to write this post but never completed it. My thoughts have changed as much as can be imagined since this post began. Who knows why I originally came to my wits end but here is today's wits end.
I have many days where I feel as if I am at my wits end. I get overwhelmed by the details of my life. Work, bills, church stuff, and family. I feel stressed over things that I have little to no control over. It’s past time to relax, relate, and release only to pick it all back up again.
I have given up many times in my life. I have a myriad of unrealized dreams. I've just tried something that I perceived to be simpler. Moved on. Pressed forward or so I thought. I keep finding situations that don’t propel me forward. That's my insanity. I've flailed around waiting for, looking for, and asking for HELP. No one believes that I need it. I’ve spent my life spinning my wheels in the shadows of people who placed me under foot. The Bible says that I am "the head not the tail, above and not beneath." So I struggle a LOT to get to a place where I am in proper order. My order does not require that I place anyone else where I’ve been. It just requires that I come forward and stand tall. Maybe they are right... I don't need help from anyone. Hezekiah Walker wrote a song that simply says, "Jesus is My Help!" Whatever happens in my life I will never ever be able to live comfortably in any sort of bondage. I have a complete history of breaking free and resuming my flailing. So now I'm REALLY breaking free! I remember myself and I am going back to being me. Not some idea that is set in the mind of others.
I’m a very tired of it and the resistance has begun.